In April 2001 my second tower collapsed, I was laid off from my job. The first collapsed less than one year before with the end of my marriage of 18 years. The blueprint for my life, it seemed left out in the rain blurring all the lines of permanence, stability and structural integrity. A clean slate? At the time I couldn't see it that way. To me it just looked like one big ink pool mess.
I spent the next 12 months sitting on my suburban sofa wondering, "how did I get here?" I began a journey of self inquiry, delving deeper and deeper, questioning everything, wanting immediate answers to those questions and looking for clarity. That became my thing, looking for clarity. Reflecting back on that now, how absurd it sounds. Really, how does one 'look' for clarity?
With 44 years into my life journey everything I had come to know and depend on was in transition and on the way out, marriage, job and, worst of all, the children - no one ever really talks about that when in reproduction mode. My oldest was already out on his own and the youngest was in the middle of my crisis in his last semester of high school and already living his own life. It all just seemed to be way too much. So that couch looked good!
As I sat in the contemplative couch position waiting for clarity to show up, I wished for a book. A book filled with the wisdom of women that could show me the way. The way through to what was next. In that quest I did come across such a book and the title oddly enough was 'What's Next?' The book certainly filled the bill with stories from women in life transitions although I found I just couldn't relate since many of them were of celebrity status. What I wanted was the everyday woman, her story, about what she knew, what she learned and how she grew. As far as I could see this book I yearned for did not exist.
By the end of 2001, my life wasn't the only thing in transitional turmoil, so were the lives of my children and on a grander scale, our country. Shifting my pain to power I ventured out into the world with a passion to promote positivity, which we all were in dire need, and, of course, to save the world! That mission started with the co-development of a positive message company designing T-shirts for children branded with positive and empowering messages about community, responsibility, creativity and more. The line made it onto the shelves of Kids ‘R’ Us and the Bon Marche, an absolutely amazing accomplishment. However, the post 9/11 economy did not support the future of a new brand, no matter how important we thought it was for a much needed paradigm shift and don't forget about saving the world!
Fast forward a few years as I made my way back into corporate America as Creative Director of a branding and marketing firm. I led the interviews of the people behind their future logos. It was during this time I became fascinated with the people I was interviewing and their real life stories. Their past, unique and qualified journeys to the present moment and where they wanted to go from there. Still finding my own way back (to where was still a mystery) and feeling plagued by my circumstances, I had an idea for a book. THE book, the one I couldn't find in 2001 with the wise women, and I would call it 'Extra Ordinary Women'. Yes, why not write my own book and in the process I would find the women who could provide me mentorship. Once in print, it would be there for other women like me.
I made my first phone call to my former high school coach and approached her about being interviewed for the book. She said "I'm flattered but I am just not that interesting." What she didn't know was she became one of my early mentors and now I wanted to know more, more than my 17 year old self and perspective came away with.
As I became deeper and deeper entrenched in the 9 - 5 work life, the book 'Extra Ordinary Women' was put on the back burner. One night, six years, three or four entrepreneurial businesses later and approaching the mid-century mark, complete with menopause and making the choice to let my hair grow out naturally, I had a dream. It was so clear that upon waking I grabbed my pen and journal and wrote this: Aging 'Gray'cefully, 22 women, 50+, going gray. In addition I sketched out the design and layout as it had been delivered in the dream - the name and age of the woman, her story on one side and her portrait on the adjacent page. There it was, divinely divulged to me. It took me one year to find the first woman and the rest is history in the making.
This book is the story of the women I wanted to read about and be encouraged by years earlier and in the process I realized I had became one of them.
